| The Husband Store /someone please post/how about a joke thrd |
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LottomagicZ4941
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10 Ways to tell if a Redneck has been working on a Computer
10. The monitor is up on blocks.
9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
8. The six front keys have rotted out.
7. The extra RAM ports have truck parts stored in them.
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
5. The password is "Bubba".
4. There's a gun rack mounted on the CPU.
3. There's a Coors can in the cup holder(CD-ROM drive).
2. The keyboard is camouflaged.
AND the number 1 way to tell if a redneck has been working on a computer is...
1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter".
From http://www.scam.com/showthread.php?t=1534
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Sat Feb 19, 2005 12:52 am |
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SnapThat
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I love number three! Never thought of the CD-ROM drive as a cup-holder (those ingenious rednecks  lol)
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Sat Feb 19, 2005 1:55 am |
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trshubby
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| Blondes have more fun |
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My apologies if I offend anyone, which isn't my intent. My bride is a blonde and also the brightest person I've ever met. I hope I can tell this in print as funny as it was verbalized to me. Cracked me up, but I am easily entertained.
There's this young woman (who happens to be blonde) walking down the sidewalk on her way to the salon.
She sees this sign that reads "Free pony rides" and thinks to herself.......
I've always wanted to learn how to ride.
So she stops and patiently waits for her turn.
Then finally, her turn arrives and the nice man gently helps her into the saddle.
She sits up high on the pony's back as she begins her ride.
She thinks, "this is so cool! I should have done this long ago."
But then the pony's gate begins to increase....
And she begins to have trouble staying in the saddle.
She grabs the saddlehorn and rights herself, trying to figure out a way to slow the pony down. WHOA, she says, to no avail......
She's having trouble staying on, slowly sliding off of the saddle again.
She grasps for the pony's mane but comes up empty handed and all the while the pony is going faster and faster.
She yells WHOA!!!!!!
But the pony doesn't stop.
Soon she has slid completely off of the saddle,
her foot caught in the stirrup.
The pony is at a full gallup now, she's like a poor rag doll flopping around.
Her head is banging on the ground and she's helpless..........
And then, just as she is about to lose consciousness..........
The WalMart manager comes over and unplugs the horse.
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Mon Feb 21, 2005 5:02 pm |
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SnapThat
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lol, I remember that joke, trshubby I don't think you have to worry about offending people here, we're all mature enough to take "blonde jokes" in stride, and we all know that blonde people aren't really dumber than anyone else (or are they? lol)
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Mon Feb 21, 2005 5:39 pm |
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MoneySeeker92
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How many ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Wanna ride bikes?
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Sat Mar 19, 2005 11:41 pm |
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Rolo
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quote:
Originally posted by MoneySeeker92
How many ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Wanna ride bikes?
ROFL!!!
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Sun Mar 20, 2005 4:46 pm |
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LottomagicZ4941
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Found this on a I love comics page on Trafic Syndicate.
ATM Machine
Please note that with the arrival of new "Drive- through" cash
point machines, customers will be able to withdraw cash without
leaving their vehicles.
Male Procedure
1) Drive up to the cash machine
2) Wind down your car window
3) Insert card into machine and enter PIN
4) Enter amount of cash required
5) Retrieve card, cash and receipt
6) Wind up window
Female Procedure
1) Drive up to cash machine
2) Reverse back the required amount to align car window to
machine
3) Re-start the stalled engine
4) Wind down the window
5) Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to
locate card
6) Locate make-up bag and check make-up in rear view mirror
7) Attempt to insert card into machine
 Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its
excessive distance from car
9) Insert card
10) Re- insert card right way up
11) Re- enter the handbag to find diary with your PIN written on
the inside back page
12) Enter PIN
13) Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN
14) Enter amount of cash required
15) Re-check make-up in rear view mirror
16) Retrieve cash and receipt
17) Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside
1 Place receipt in back of check book
19) Re-check make-up again
20) Drive forward 2 feet
21) Reverse back to cash machine
22) Retrieve card
23) Re-empty handbag, locate card holder and place card into the
slot provided
24) Re-check make-up
25) Restart stalled engine and pull away
26) Drive for 3 to 4 miles
27) Release parking brake
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Fri Jun 03, 2005 8:24 am |
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LottomagicZ4941
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Joined: 02 Dec 2004
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Watch where you step:)
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they
get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven ... don't
step on the ducks."
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place.
It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their
best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains
them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to
spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"
The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck, and
along came St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another
extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same punishment
as the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for
all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She
manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St.
Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid
eyes on ... very tall, tan, muscular, and with good hair. St. Peter chains
them together without saying a word.
The woman remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to
you for all of eternity?"
And the guy says, "Well, I don't know what you did, but I stepped on a duck."
found on
http://www.christianforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=16009&sid=59e3e03432eee5bb0453b58fa510f19a
Lotto
http://tinyurl.com/ac72l
MagicZ4941A
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Wed Jun 29, 2005 9:53 pm |
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Jerryburke7
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| lol |
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I heard a different version, but yours was better
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Fri Sep 23, 2005 10:07 pm |
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LottomagicZ4941
Senior Member
Cash: $ 1.66
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Joined: 02 Dec 2004
Location: Earth
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>>Little Zachary was doing very badly in math. His
>>parents had tried everything ... tutors, mentors,
>>flash cards, special learning centers.
>>In short, everything they could think of to help his
>>math. Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took
>>Zachary down and enrolled him in the local Catholic
>>school.
>>
>>After the first day, little Zachary came home with a
>>very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss
>>his mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his
>>room and started studying. Books and papers were
>>spread out all over the room, and little Zachary was
>>hard at work.
>>
>>His mother was amazed.
>>
>>She called him down to dinner. To her shock, the
>>minute he was done, he marched back to his room
>>without a word, and in no time, he was back
>>hitting the books as hard as before. This went on for
>>some time, day after day, while the mother tried to
>>understand what made all the difference.
>>
>>Finally, little Zachary brought home his report card.
>>He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room
>>and hit the books. With great trepidation, his Mom
>>looked at it and to her great surprise, little
>>Zachary got an "A" in math. She could no longer hold
>>her curiosity. She went to his room and said, "Son,
>>what was it? Was it the nuns?" Little Zachary looked
>>at her and shook his head no. "Well, then," she
>>replied, "was it the books, the discipline, the
>>structure, the uniforms? WHAT WAS IT ALREADY?"
>>
>>Little Zachary looked at her and said, "Well, on the
>>first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the
>>plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around."
> found on http://www.moneymakergroup.com/index.php?showtopic=37379
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Fri Jan 13, 2006 1:05 am |
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