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Lending money to my girlfriend

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Money Talk > Personal Finance

What should i do
Give her $1,000 no strings attached
100%
 100%  [ 1 ]
Loan her $1,000 to be repaid when she gets her student loan disbursement
0%
 0%  [ 0 ]
Buy her car for $1,300
0%
 0%  [ 0 ]
Total Votes : 1

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pouncingmailbox
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Lending money to my girlfriend  Reply with quote  

Hi Everyone,

I am hoping you guys can give me some relationship/financial advice.

My girlfriend recently quit her solid (~55K per year) job to start medical school in the fall. She quit her job early to take her dream trip to Europe before she starts school.

I knew this trip was going to be expensive and frankly unnecessary 1 month vacation. However I found it difficult to directly voice this opinion because my family is quite wealthy and I have been to Europe many times before. Her family has been in a very difficult financial situation since she was a kid and she has never had an opportunity to travel. So i thought it was important to support her desire to travel. I couldn't go because of a very important set of exams.

She just returned from Europe and is living with me until she can move into her apartment and start medical school. It turns out she spent literally all of her money during the trip and is now has almost $1,000 in credit card debt. She also has over $20,000 in student loan debt from undergrad and is planing to take out about $260,000 in medical student loan debt over the next four years of medical school.

I have 0 debt because my parents covered the cost of my undergraduate education, and because i am now in a PhD program where i am paid to go to school while working in a lab.

I don't make much money ($26,000) a year and I don't get income from any other sources. I am extremely frugal and take every opportunity to save, often to the chagrin of my girlfriend and sister.

Now that she has exhausted all of her liquid capitol she wants to borrow about $1,000 from me to cover her trip associated credit card debt until her medical school student loan disbursement hits in a couple of months. While she is living with me I have been covering all expenses food, housing, and everything else. Lending her $1,000 does not put stress on my finances but does majorly dent my savings. It probably takes me 5 or 6 months to save up $1,000. I am annoyed because i find it incredibly irresponsible to spend money you don't have on unnecessary luxury items (like vacations). This is something that i would NEVER do.

Is this just another drop in the bucket of a solid investment in a medical school education?

or

Is this an example of financial irresponsibility contributing to a mountain of debt that i should be seriously concerned about.

I obviously need to sit down with her and talk this all out. She reacts very poorly anytime I try to start this discussion.

Maybe instead of lending her the money i should offer to buy her car from her (and then just continue to let her use it). That way at least I get a title and legal ownership of something and she would not have any debt to repay. If she wishes in the future she could buy the car back... but I honestly don't care if she does or not. I just want to avoid any situation where i have to ask her for the money because i know that for the next four years she wont have any.
Post Thu Jun 25, 2015 9:26 pm
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oldguy
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quote:
Is this just another drop in the bucket of a solid investment in a medical school education?
or
Is this an example of financial irresponsibility contributing to a mountain of debt that i should be seriously concerned about.


It's not an "or", it's "and". Yes, $260k vs $261k is 'small numbers algebra', a drop in the bucket. And 'traveling to Europe' has almost become a right of passage in the adolescent female world (I have adult daughters). But the financial irresponsibility and your enabling of it is going to follow you for life if you aren't careful - today's kids were fortunate to grow up in an era of excesses and entitlement. Your (and her) definition of "her family's difficult financial situation" is very different from my WW2 definition of 'difficult' - we had no running water, no indoor plumbing, a family of 5 in a one-room cottage for 7 yrs. But thankfully, you guys won't encounter that.

She is a logical thinker (holds a $55k job in a LCOL area and was accepted to med school), in her mind a $260k debt and a $261k debt are about the same. I would start with the math, the power of compound interest. Eg, $5000/yr invested at 11%/yr for 30 years = a million dollars - ie if she spends every dime she earns, EXCEPT for that $5000/yr, she will be on track to have a million, let nothing derail that plan - no new car, no baby furniture, yada, the $5000 is the priority - in fact it takes priority over the prepayment of student loans.

No, don't buy the car. You don't want the legal & insurance mess if she has a fender bender - or the lawsuit if a bad accident happens. Or the bills for tires, repairs. Just GRACIOUSLY give her a free place to live until school starts - and don't rub her face in it during every little disagreement, lol.

Congratulations on your own situation - no debt, a solid $26k/yr income while in grad school, you have some good management skills. What field is your degree in?

Are you in Iowa City? (I'm a Hawkeye).
Post Thu Jun 25, 2015 10:27 pm
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littleroc02us
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My worry for you is her proven track record of irresponsiblity with money. Think about it this way. A broke college student, with 20k in student loans, felt that it was a wise decision to spend 1k on a Europeon trip. When you read that, does that sound like a smart decision? That reaks of entitlement, which the millenials generation has inherited from the older generation. And now she plans on putting an additional strain on her life with 260k in medical debt.

As for giving her 1k. What in her pas history makes you think she'd ever pay you back? She seems quite irresponsible and immature. Since your not married, I wouldn't lend her anything. A gift is different, because it doesn't require a payback, whereas borrowing money and they don't pay you back can ruin a friendship.

Good luck it sounds like you've been wise with your choices, don't mess that up now for a girl..

Risk comes from not knowing what you're doing. (Warren Buffet)
Post Fri Jun 26, 2015 1:39 pm
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Excentris
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If You are going to be loaning her money make sure its under a contract so she does not jjip ya over.. i dont know why she cant get a loan.. but honestly i can understand why you would love to loan her money as there would be no interest rates how loving of you.. just do it under a contract..

If she goes super critical about the Contract.. You know there is a problem because if she plans to pay you back there should be NO Problem!

Or do the car trick sounds good enough to me..

And try to keep a covert eye on what she is doing. in any event. if she is acting like its marry Christmas time.. You Know what the problem is..

Contacts are a golden rule in any situation like this! All it takes is time and discussion about the rules and regulations of this contract.. which in any relationship is golden golden golden.. without communication the relationship is doomed to fail!

what is the difference between me and you to Albert Enestine! nothing.. only yourself! look at you! rise above yourself!
(energy equals everything squared!
sovereign light! fallow the path of light or descend!
Post Sat Jun 27, 2015 12:13 am
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dozulu
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Not a good idea  Reply with quote  

If you become her debt scapegoat this time, it will set a dangerous precedent that you will be unable to change later when she needs money and finds herself broke. That irresponsible spending SHOULD deliver an accountability pinch. If she spends and you get pinched for it, you are training her to be bad with her money.

The number is not the big issue here, at least to my mind. She does not have a family history of money security and I have seen previously poor people finally get funds and yet never learn there is a finite number of dollars in the system.

You are her boyfriend, not her bank.

If it were me, I would not even consider this bailout. Her unwillingness to discuss money rationally without emotion is a very bad sign. It sounds like she wants to spend without a limit, all her money, and while she is at it, spend your money too.
Post Fri Jul 03, 2015 2:00 am
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Benstoke
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Her family has been in a very difficult financial situation since she was a kid and she has never had an opportunity to travel. So i thought it was important to support her desire to travel. I couldn't go because of a very important set of exams. VCS-279 exam dumps
Post Mon Jul 22, 2019 11:34 am
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