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The Husband Store /someone please post/how about a joke thrd

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LottomagicZ4941
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The Husband Store /someone please post/how about a joke thrd  Reply with quote  

The Husband Store

A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is comprised of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends
the flights. There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: "Floor 1 - These men have jobs." The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than
my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads: "Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids." The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.

The third floor sign reads: "Floor 3 -"These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking." "Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"

The fourth floor sign reads: "Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are
extremely good looking and help with the housework." "Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads: "Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak."
"Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?"
So up to the sixth floor she goes.

The sixth floor sign reads: "Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,789,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping Husband Mart and have a nice day."

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Post Thu Dec 02, 2004 11:33 am
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Andrew
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Laughing
Post Mon Jan 03, 2005 4:17 am
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SnapThat
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lol, that's hilarious Very Happy

Just for the record, I am a girl Wink

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Post Tue Jan 04, 2005 2:01 am
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LottomagicZ4941
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Another one on finding a mate:)

Dating in 1957

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Bobby's a pretty hip guy with his own car and a duck tail hairdo. When he goes to the front door, Peggy Sue's father answers and invites him in. "Peggy Sue's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?" he says. "That's cool," says Bobby.

Peggy Sue's father asks Bobby what they are planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie. Peggy Sue's father responds, "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it."

Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby and he says "Whaaaat?" "Yeah," says Peggy Sue's father, "Peggy Sue really likes to screw. She'll screw all night if we let her."

Bobby's eyes light up and he smiles from ear to ear. Immediately, he has revised the plans for the evening. A few minutes later, Peggy Sue comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and her saddle shoes and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door while dad is saying "Have a good evening kids," with a wink. About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her father, "Dammit, Daddy! The TWIST! It's called the TWIST!"

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Post Tue Jan 04, 2005 8:40 am
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SnapThat
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Haha. Just goes to show.. (you outdated parents...)

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Post Tue Jan 04, 2005 9:46 pm
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domskynetlabs
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lol
Post Wed Jan 05, 2005 2:20 am
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LottomagicZ4941
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Snap That did not catch your post about you being a gal. I tend to use guy kind of generically so please don't be offended if I call you a guy. I'll try and remember your a gal.

Marraige Advice

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes in the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the butt and whoop out "YEE-HAW, WHO'S HORNY?" and she acts like she's sound asleep. Works every time!" found on http://www.cyclingforums.com/t192071.html although I'm not very popular over there right now for putting my E-foot in my E-mouth.

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Post Fri Jan 07, 2005 7:04 pm
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Andrew
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Good ones. At least the e-foot doesn't have a bad taste.... does it? Confused Wink
Post Fri Jan 07, 2005 7:14 pm
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LottomagicZ4941
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I appologized (then realiaterated my orginal point) but one FredC wants to keep insuting me so I will just stay off that forum till he gets board. I left it posting that when he insults me I suspect that it is projection:)

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Post Sat Jan 08, 2005 2:41 pm
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LottomagicZ4941
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This one is bad. Don't read if your easily offended.

http://com4.runboard.com/bfarfrontiers.forum18.t8

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Post Thu Feb 03, 2005 6:06 pm
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Andrew
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LOL.

I've heard that one, but thanks for keeping it at arms reach...
Post Thu Feb 03, 2005 6:47 pm
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MoneySeeker92
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HAHA, Poor Woman! Very Happy
Post Fri Feb 04, 2005 2:19 am
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LottomagicZ4941
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Men & anniversaries LOL

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WHO SAYS MEN DON'T REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES?** * A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee. "What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?" "Do you remember when I met you and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly. The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do" she replies. The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily...."Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car, making love?" "Yes, I remember!" says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues... "Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'". "I remember that too" she replies softly. He wipes another tear from his cheek, and says..."I would have gotten out today."
found on http://www.forumgarden.com/forums/showthread.php?t=3344
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Post Sat Feb 12, 2005 6:18 am
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SnapThat
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lol, nice one Lotto!

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Post Sun Feb 13, 2005 3:27 pm
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LottomagicZ4941
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And here is another nice one:)

Red Neck Social Tips!

General
1. Never take a beer to an interview.

2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting them.

3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.

4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.

5. Even if you're certain that you're included in the will, it's rude to drive a U-haul to the funeral.

Dining Out

1. When decanting the wine from the box, make sure you tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to 'bruise' the fruit of the wine.

2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your hands.


Entertaining in your home

1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners are.


Personal Hygiene

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this job should be done in private using one's own truck keys.

2. Even if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of money.

3. Use of proper toiletries can only delay bathing for a few days.

4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to distract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.


Dating (outside the family)

1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.

2. Be assertive, Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you ever since I read that stuff on the bathroom walls two years ago."

3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM. Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.


Theater Etiquette

1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.

2. Refrain from talking to the characters on the screen. Tests have proven that they can't hear you.


Weddings

1. Livestock usually is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds might get you shot.

3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.

4. Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for this special occasion.


Driving Etiquette

1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.

2. When approaching a four way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires does not always have the right of way.

3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.

5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral possession.

Found on
http://com4.runboard.com/bsoapinup.fletschat.t91

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Post Thu Feb 17, 2005 6:33 pm
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